The Right to Feel Safe

Why safe spaces are essential for mental health

When I was living in Los Angeles, I didn’t realize how much of my time I spent feeling afraid. Like so many women, I was taught to lace my car keys between my fingers like little Wolverine claws because apparently, if someone attacks me walking to my car at night, I’m supposed to stab them with my Honda keys and hope for the best.

Now that I live in Lisbon, Portugal, one thing I often take for granted is just how much safer it feels here. It’s not weird for a woman to walk home alone late at night without constantly looking over her shoulder. You can turn on the tv and not have to brace yourself for yet another news story of the day’s unnecessary gun violence.

And my body noticed the difference almost immediately. Within weeks of leaving the U.S., my shoulders dropped, my heart rate slowed, and I stopped asking friends to walk me home.

Safety is important. Feeling like we’re welcomed, cared about, and thought of is essential for our wellbeing. When we feel attacked, when our very way of life is treated like it’s not okay, when we can’t possibly “live, laugh, love” because our lives are literally under threat, mental health isn’t just difficult to maintain - it’s impossible.

Safety isn’t just physical. It’s mental, emotional, and even political. And when it’s missing, our bodies feel it. Deeply.

Pride month, in a time of fear

Even though it’s been quietly removed from many official federal calendars, June is still Pride Month, a time to honor the joy, creativity, and strength of LGBTQ+ communities. But this year, it feels heavier.

Maybe you’ve felt it too.

This administration’s efforts to reduce HIV education and resources and erase Pride from national recognition aren’t just bureaucratic moves. They're statements. And the statement many of us are hearing is: you don’t belong here. ❌

Whether you're queer, trans, undocumented, a person of color, or simply part of any group that's being targeted right now, it’s understandable if you feel scared. You might even feel exhausted, anxious, or just... off.

Why feeling safe comes first

Safety isn’t optional. It’s the foundation that allows everything else to grow. 🌱

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs starts with basics like food, shelter, and safety for a reason. When we don’t feel safe, the brain can’t focus on connection, creativity, or problem-solving. It’s too busy trying to survive.

The part of your brain that scans for danger is called the amygdala. You can think of it like the guard dog of your nervous system. When it senses a threat, whether that threat is real or just feels real, it sounds the alarm.

Your heart races. Your muscles tense. Your thoughts start spiraling or shutting down. The guard dog is barking, trying to keep you alert, because it doesn’t know when you’ll need to run or fight.

You may not realize that your difficulty returning texts, your inability to concentrate at work, or that jittery, restless feeling that won’t go away may actually be signs that your brain is stuck in survival mode.

This isn’t a personal failure. It’s your body doing exactly what it’s supposed to do when it doesn’t feel safe. But that’s also why finding pockets of safety, even small ones, is so important. They help your guard dog settle down so the rest of your brain can come back online.

What safe spaces actually give us

When we talk about safe spaces, we’re talking about more than just a physical place. We’re talking about any environment—internal or external—where you can soften. Where you don’t have to constantly be on guard.

Safe spaces give us permission to feel. To express grief, or joy, or confusion. To speak without worrying about judgment or punishment. To simply exist without performing. To be fully you.

For people in marginalized communities, that kind of safety isn’t a luxury. It’s necessary for mental health. When you feel safe, your nervous system can start to rest. And that’s when healing becomes possible.

How to cope when you’re feeling unsafe

Something I often tell my clients: If your nervous system is dysregulated, then our #1 job is to get you feeling regulated again first. Then and only then can we work on your other goals.

If you’ve been feeling unsettled lately, you’re not imagining it. And you’re not overreacting. There are very real threats facing many communities right now. Here are a few things that can help when you feel overwhelmed:

1. Name the fear

Start by identifying what’s making you feel unsafe. Saying it out loud or writing it down can help your brain process it instead of constantly bracing against it.

You might say:
“I’m feeling unsafe because I’m afraid I won’t be able to access preventative HIV medication.”
or
“I’m feeling unsafe because I’m afraid ICE might take my family away.”

There’s power in naming what you’re carrying. It doesn't make it disappear, but it helps take it out of the shadows where fear tends to grow.

2. Create a sense of safety in your environment

This could mean limiting how much news you consume, making your space feel comforting, or building a small daily routine that brings a sense of control. Your environment sends messages to your brain all day long. Wherever you can, let that message be: you're allowed to rest here.

Even small actions like lighting a candle, making your favorite breakfast, or closing the tabs you don’t need, can send calming signals to your nervous system.

3. Move your body

Stress builds up in our nervous system. When we move, we help that stress release. You don’t have to run a marathon. A slow walk, gentle stretching, dancing around your kitchen, or even shaking out your hands for a few seconds can help reset your system.

Movement isn’t just physical. It tells your brain: I’m moving so I have some power and control - and I’m okay.

4. Connect with safe people

Reach out to someone you trust, even if you just text them, “Hey, things feel heavy right now.” But if words are hard to find, silent togetherness is okay too. Just being in the presence of people who are for you can be profoundly stabilizing.

5. Get help

Especially if you don’t have a lot of safe people in your life, consider working with a therapist. A good therapist can help you find language for what you’re feeling, create plans for safety, and hold space for everything you’re navigating.

You don’t have to carry this alone.

You deserve real safety

If you’re feeling hyper-aware, tired, angry, hopeless, or just completely on edge, there’s nothing wrong with you. Your body is responding to a world that often feels hostile. And that response is deeply human.

But you deserve more than to just get through the day.

You deserve moments of rest. You deserve support. You deserve access to care, and connection, and the full range of your humanity. Not someday, but now.

Below, you’ll find a list of resources I’ve put together that I hope can be part of your toolkit. Take what you need. Leave what you don’t. And remember that how you feel right now makes sense.

And that it’s okay to want more than survival.

In challenging times, the power of community becomes so clear. Let’s stand together, not just during Pride Month, but every day, to ensure everyone has a place where they feel safe and valued.

PS: I made you a short voice note

Sometimes hearing a real human talk can feel so much better. If you’ve been feeling uneasy or unsafe, or just want a little comfort and encouragement, I left you a 5ish minute voice note. You can listen to it on Substack. It’s a gentle reminder of what’s good along with a mindfulness exercise and affirmations to help you get through your week.

No pressure, no fix-it energy. Just something to come back to when you need a little grounding. Give it a listen and let me know if it helps.

I’ll be sharing more of these soon (since so many of you have told me how much they help), so if you want to keep getting them, make sure you’re subscribed to my Substack.