What Ted Lasso taught me about being a better human
Therapist confession: I judged someone I'd never met... and learned everything I teach.
I'm a therapist who helps people be better humans. Last week, I caught myself being absolutely terrible to a stranger on TikTok.
For three minutes, my brain ran a completely different commentary than what was happening on screen.
What she was saying: "This is my favorite salad of all time."
What my brain was saying: Ugh, another privileged pretty girl who's never had a real problem.
I clicked on her profile (honestly, probably to hate-watch) and learned she'd struggled with obesity most of her life. She was sharing recipes that helped her feel healthier. She was a working mom doing TikTok in her spare time.
The shame spiral was brutal.
Here I was, someone who helps people for a living, making snap judgments about a stranger based on... what? Her hair color? Her lighting? The fact that she looked happy making a salad?
My favorite quote from Ted Lasso flashed into my mind: "Be curious, not judgmental."
If you haven't watched the show, Ted's this American football coach who goes to England to coach soccer, and despite knowing nothing about the sport, he transforms an entire team through radical kindness and emotional intelligence. Every therapist I know loves this show and quotes this line like profound wisdom. Which it is. But here's what I'm learning: it's embarrassingly harder to practice than it sounds.
Then I started paying attention to my patterns. The woman with the country accent talking about her business? I assumed she wasn't educated until I learned she has a PhD. The guy posting gym selfies? I wrote him off as vain until I saw his post about overcoming addiction and mentoring others in recovery.
This is when I realized I had a problem. And maybe you do too.
Why our brains love snap judgments (and what this means for connection)
Look, I get it. Our brains are literally wired to make quick assessments. Evolutionarily speaking, it kept us alive: Is this person a threat? Are they part of my tribe? Can I trust them? These split-second decisions served us well when we were avoiding actual danger, but they're absolutely terrible for building meaningful relationships in 2025.
Here's what I've learned as a therapist: this isn't just a social media thing. that's gotten amplified by our appearance-obsessed, highlight-reel culture. Social media has essentially weaponized our ancient wiring, making us lightning-fast at categorizing people while giving us zero context for who they actually are. (If you’ve ever swiped on a dating app you know exactly what I mean.)
Whether we're scrolling through Instagram or walking into a networking event, we're constantly making these quick reads of people. And here's the kicker: I get it wrong way more than I'd like to admit. Not every time, but enough times that it's become impossible to ignore. I keep selling people short, missing their depth, their complexity, their humanity.
The thing is, Ted Lasso understood something about human nature that most of us miss: when someone seems difficult or different, instead of writing them off, he stayed curious about their story. He looked for the person underneath the surface behavior. When someone seems prickly, instead of deciding they're just difficult, he got curious about what might be driving that behavior. What are they protecting? What are they afraid of?
This applies whether you're dealing with the colleague who never speaks up in meetings, the influencer whose content annoys you, or the family member who always seems to push your buttons. Instead of stopping at your first impression, what if you got curious about their why?
The therapist's secret
Can I tell you something I wish I'd known earlier? In my therapy practice, I've never, not once, met a boring person. Ever. I've met people who were guarded, people who were scared, people who had learned to hide their most interesting parts because the world had taught them those parts weren't acceptable. But boring? Never.
Everyone has a story that would fascinate you if you took the time to find it. The woman who seems "basic" because she talks about her kids all the time? She's probably navigating complex feelings about losing her identity in motherhood while simultaneously discovering strength she never knew she had. The guy who only talks about sports? Maybe sports was the only way he learned to connect with his emotionally distant father, and now it's his love language.
The emotionally aloof corporate executive who seems obsessed with success? She might be the first person in her family to go to college, carrying the dreams and expectations of three generations on her shoulders.
Here's what I've learned: un-curious people are some of the saddest people I know. They're missing out on the best parts of being human - the parts where we connect and discover that we're all just making it up as we go along, all dealing with versions of the same fears and hopes and weird family dynamics.
And look, if you're reading this thinking "Oh god, I do this constantly," you're not broken. You're just human with a fully functioning brain that's doing exactly what it was designed to do. The difference is what we do with that awareness.
How to rewire your judgment reflex
So how do we actually do this? How do we choose curiosity over judgment, whether we're scrolling through social media or navigating real-world interactions?
The 24-hour rule: When you catch yourself making a snap judgment about someone (online or offline), give yourself at least 24 hours before you decide it's true. I call this the "withholding judgment window." Here's what usually happens: that initial hot take you had about someone starts to cool down, and you begin to notice details you missed the first time. Maybe you realize their "rude" comment was actually them setting a boundary, or their "show-off" post was them celebrating something they'd worked really hard for. Most of the time, you'll realize your initial read was based on limited information and your own projections.
The "what's their story?" game: Get curious about their backstory instead of deciding what someone is like based on their profile, their outfit, or their first impression. Last month, I was ready to write off a new friend who hadn't responded to my last few texts. The story I created? They were rude and inconsiderate. Turns out, they were going through a horrible breakup from an 8-year relationship, and they weren't responding because their entire world was falling apart. It was only when I took the time to investigate that I learned the real story. The one I had made up in my mind was completely false.
Ask better questions: The quality of your questions determines the quality of your connections. Most of us default to what I call "interview mode" - we ask the same surface-level questions everyone asks and wonder why conversations feel flat. "What do you do?" "Where are you from?" "How's work?"
But here's what happens when you get genuinely curious: instead of asking someone what they do for work, ask "What's something you're learning about yourself lately?" Instead of "How was your weekend?" try "What made you smile this week?" Watch how people's faces change when you ask them something that actually requires them to think, to share something real.
This is especially huge in dating. If someone tells you they love hiking, don't just nod and move on - ask what their favorite trail discovery has been, or what they think about when they're walking alone in nature. That's where the real person lives, in the details and the feelings behind the facts.
Ask for evidence: Before you write someone off, ask yourself: "What am I assuming about this person, and what evidence do I actually have?" This is where things get uncomfortably honest. Maybe you decided someone is shallow because they post a lot of selfies, or unintelligent because of their accent, or pretentious because they went to an Ivy League school. When you actually examine the "evidence," it's usually embarrassing. You're basing your entire assessment of a human being on... what? The filter they use? The way they pronounce certain words? The university they attended when they were eighteen? Looking for evidence means we aren’t just being ruled by our feelings, which are influenced by a lot of factors.
Practice the pause and flip: When you feel that judgment rising, literally pause and ask two questions: "What would it look like to be curious about this person instead?" and "What might my reaction say about me?"
This works because curiosity and judgment can't exist in the same moment - they're mutually exclusive emotional states. The second question is where the real growth happens. I do this exercise with clients all the time, and often what we realize is we're projecting our own insecurities onto complete strangers. The woman who annoys you because she "seems perfect" might remind you of someone who made you feel inadequate in high school. If you find yourself constantly judging people for being "attention-seeking," maybe you're struggling with your own relationship to visibility. Our judgments are like mirrors - they reflect back our own unhealed places. Or as I like to call them in the therapy room, our “growth edges.”
Get comfortable with being wrong: This one's big for us recovering perfectionists. Being wrong about people isn't a character flaw - it's how we learn to see humans more clearly. But here's what I've noticed: most of us are terrified of being wrong about people because we think it means there's something wrong with us.
Actually, the opposite is true. The people who learn not to stubbornly stick to their judgments, but recognize that misreading things is part of being human - they're humble enough to know they aren't always right, and they're okay with that. They treat their first impressions like rough drafts, not final essays. When new information comes in that contradicts what they initially thought, they don't feel threatened or defensive. They feel curious.
The people I worry about aren't the ones who misjudge people sometimes; they're the ones who would rather be right than learn something new, who double down on their first impressions even when everything around them suggests they might be missing something important.
The curiosity challenge
Here's what I want you to try this week: Pick one person you've written off or made assumptions about. Maybe it's someone whose social media posts always annoy you, a coworker who rubs you the wrong way, or that family member who seems to push your buttons.
Instead of avoiding them or staying surface-level, get genuinely curious about their story. If it's someone online, maybe engage thoughtfully with their content instead of scrolling past with an eye roll. If it's someone in your life, ask them a real question. Not "How's work?" but "What's the most interesting thing happening in your life right now?" Or "What's something you're learning about yourself lately?"
See what happens when you approach them with genuine interest in who they are beneath the surface.
Coming full circle
I keep thinking about that woman and her salad video. What strikes me most isn't just that I was wrong about her, but how quickly I was willing to dismiss her entire humanity based on a few visual cues. How many amazing people have I scrolled past, written off, or avoided because I decided they weren't worth my curiosity?
Plot twist: I've become a total fan. Her recipes are amazing, and whenever I make one I'm also reminded of how much I would have missed out if I had listened to those initial voices of judgment in my head.
Choosing to be curious instead of judgmental isn't just about being a better person. It's about discovering that the world is infinitely more interesting than your first impressions suggested. Every person you encounter has depth you haven't discovered yet - struggles that would break your heart, strengths that would inspire you, stories that would fascinate you if you took the time to listen.
Be curious, not judgmental. It's a way of moving through the world that assumes everyone has something to teach you, everyone is more complex than they appear.
Sometimes being wrong about someone is the best mistake you'll ever make.
Questions to consider
Before you go, here are a few things to reflect on this week:
What's a recent snap judgment you made about someone (online or offline) that might not be the whole story?
Who in your life have you written off too quickly? What would it look like to approach them with fresh curiosity?
What assumptions do people probably make about you based on first impressions? How does that feel?
When you catch yourself being judgmental, what's usually driving it? Fear? Insecurity? Past experiences?
What's one small way you could practice curiosity instead of judgment today?
If this resonated with you, would you mind scrolling down and hitting that little heart? It genuinely makes my day and helps me know what's landing. Thanks for reading.
Therese 💜